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LiveJournal for Rachel..

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Monday, June 14th, 2010

Subject:Clearly not.
Time:11:32 pm.
     I truly believe God blessed me with the perfect family.  A mother that would do anything for me. A brother that has always been there to listen.  A boyfriend that treats me with the respect and love I show him.  And a son that is more than I could have ever imagined, the absolute light of my life.  I share a love with my boys that could never possibly be explained with words.

     Oh, but on the other hand....it was most definately not intended for me to have friends.  I've come to realize though, that I clearly don't need anyone other than my family.  Over that past three years, I've become a home-body. I never go anywhere, I never see anyone, I don't even talk to old friends on the phone.  I see now though  that it doesn't make me near as sad anymore.  Some of them hurt me so much when we had our "falling outs" that I don't feel the need to put in effort to somehow "win" their friendship back, above that I def. don't feel the need to waste my time, love, or tears on them.  Hell, I don't feel it's my effort that needs to be given, if any ever is.  On the rare occasion that I actually do talk to someone..something I say, somefuckinghow blows up into some kind of overly-dramic bullshit.  And that..that drama shit...yeah, def. not for me.  I for one sure don't enjoy anyone manipulating a situation to make me look like the bad person either.  So therefore, I decide to just drift away. From now on, it's literally just me and my boys.  And I am perfectly fine with that now & forever.  They are the only things that could ever fill a void in my heart, and they're also the only things that ever will..every damn time no matter what.  The three of us share a love that will never falter. That's what turns my fucking world round.   It feels like a weight is lifted when you truly decide not to care anymore..and oddly enough, it feels utterly amazing.
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Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Time:3:26 pm.
So...I'm super excited to see the lovely bones w/ you, lady.
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Sunday, October 25th, 2009

Subject:You know.
Time:8:21 pm.
Sometimes I feel like no one could possibly feel more lonely than me.  Home is the only place I never feel alone, even when I am.

Although, outside the confines of this house, I don't believe I have a real, true friend out there...
& that's a very sad, deep, empty feeling, that I want nothing more than to rid myself of. 

But how? 

I'm not close to anyone other than my boys...not at all.
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Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

Time:12:10 pm.
Kris got the job today!!
& last night, we got a puppy.
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Friday, August 14th, 2009

Time:11:35 pm.
Well now sugarbear....
you totally caught me off guard.
and i would love an "old day."
more than you could know.
but you know me and you know im a good girl and i justcouldntwouldntshouldnt/wontdothat.
although the offer is flattering, i will have to say no.

please, please, please, please, please
don't take offense. or get mad.
or anything negative.

but please, please, please, please, please doooo keep in touch.
and there still isn't any reason we can't have an old day, as friends.
and just as you said of me, you will always be a person i like & respect.
i will undoubtedly hold only fond, fond memories of you.
you were always one to make me laugh.
and you put probably some of the biggest smiles on my face i've ever had....
& i do miss you very much.

i could make this rrreeeeaaaaallllllllllllyyyyyyyy long. but i wont.
for now anyway....call me or message me. 

just let me know you're out there.

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Friday, July 10th, 2009

Subject:it's been a while.
Time:5:23 pm.
Mood: disappointed.
A whole lot has changed since I used to write in this thing.

I'm thinking I should have never got tired of this livejournal bullshit.  I love reading all of our old journals.  They make me smile, and they make me laugh. They make me sad or make me want to cry....but now days it's not being sad or wanting to cry because that's the way I felt when I was writing about the experience..but because those times are over....never to be again.

I miss everyone and the way things once were.

Now we've all grown up and drifted apart.  = [ 

sad, dude. sad.

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Thursday, November 16th, 2006

Time:12:07 am.
I'm never going to feel like that again. Ever...And I hate it.

P.S. I wish you all could read this know what I meant. I truly do.
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Tuesday, September 19th, 2006

Time:8:01 am.
I start at Movie Gallery tomorrow.  

I don't know what I want to be for Halloween yet.  Nothing sounds good this year.  Andddd I really can't decide what Ayden gets to be, but he'll be something cute.  

Today is Josh Huff's 22nd Birthday and I believe Daniel and I may be going to the movies with them later on today.  But maybe not.

Willie Nelson got caught with 1 1/2 lbs of pot and 1 lb. of shrooms the other day.  He's 73 years old now.  I told Donna about it yesterday and she told me her brother smoked a joint with Willie, and I thought that was pretty neat.
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Monday, September 18th, 2006

Subject:It's about time.
Time:10:55 am.

I believe I'm going to start writing in this old thing again.  I look at my friends list and think "Damn, we're not really friends anymore."  Old entries make me smile and laugh, but when I get offline I get sad and wonder what happened.  Really.  I do wonder what happened.

Amanda and I talk about how we always could think of something fun to do and now we lay around doing nothing.  Anyway, I'm going to go have a ciggarette.  Oh, and my phone is back on if anyone happens to want to talk to me.  2702306089.  Ilove&misseverylastoneofyousonofabitches.always.

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Thursday, August 31st, 2006

Time:9:54 am.
I'm sitting here waiting for my next class to start and so... I read my old journal entries.

And cracked the fuck up.

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Tuesday, February 7th, 2006

Time:12:20 am.
Mood: disappointed.
Well. I can't fall asleep and so tonight I have read every single one of Amanda's entries on her old journal since March 22nd, 2004.

It's sad. We didn't like one another, then we were best friends, and now you're the only girl I'm ever around but we're nothing like we used to be. It's sad to say but as little as we hang out, you are Sheena are my best friends apart from Daniel.

Other than your brother and I being into it or you and someone being into it, we were always fucking happy and always had something to do.

Practically every post mentions you, me, Alex, Toni, Ashley, or Erica. And now..apart from me and you really, none of us have anything to fucking do with one another.

Practically every post makes me laugh.

I read stuff and think "Shit, I forgot about that!"

Some entries made me sad, but most made me smile. The sad part is that things aren't anything like that anymore...

I think it's fucked up how things change. But I suppose it's all our own faults.
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Monday, January 2nd, 2006

Time:9:17 pm.
I fucking miss Daniel.
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Saturday, August 20th, 2005

Time:12:50 am.
Toni Drake, do not send Daniel something saying "Hey Daniel ;)"... like you did just ten days ago. Do not ever.
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Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005

Time:9:02 pm.
Luckily, those 15 minutes of seeing you all made my day. :)
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Monday, July 25th, 2005

Time:9:47 am.
Mood: happy.

Well, today: Chad Renfro turns 18!!!     

.... And Chris Carnes comes home : )

And Tara, I love ya.  Whether you love me or not.

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Wednesday, July 13th, 2005

Time:11:55 am.
I'm bored. It's rainy as hell outside and for some reason, today is one of those days I'm missing Carnzie a whole lot.
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Thursday, June 30th, 2005

Time:12:32 am.
These past two days have been the craziest of my life.
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Friday, May 27th, 2005

Time:10:20 am.
Bitch, Please!
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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005

Time:10:12 pm.
My summer has been good so far. Today was a good day. Billy and Alex were here and we watched "The Hillz" which I wouldn't say is a good movie. Everyone does drugs and shoots everyone. The ending is really shitty too.

I hope everything with everyone just blows over. I hate the drama, and I know everyone else feels the same. I apologized to Amanda, and I really do hope I am forgiven. If she doesn't see it that way, I can't blame her. I've been a bitch, but there isn't much else to say about it. I just hope that everything is better between us.

Now, I'm just waiting for Billy to call. I'm also hoping he isn't in trouble for being late. In the morning I've got to take my car to get it checked out. It's sucks that someone had to hit me right at the beginning of summer. Because I'm dying to be anywhere but here. Although, it's not so bad when you've got company.

Well, I just thought I would update, but that's enough of that.
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Sunday, May 22nd, 2005

Time:7:47 pm.
I got hit last night. Someone ran right into my car, and then had the nerve to bitch about it. I fucking HATE this county.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for Rachel..

View:User Info.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.